Happy Mother's Day to the woman who was my first friend, teacher, cook, maid, seamstress, chauffeur, cheerleader, employer, and hairdresser, but most of all my MOM. You have taught me so very much through the years and I couldn't feel luckier, or more proud to be your daughter. You are truly one of the greatest inspirations in my life.
Thank you for showing me how to be strong even when it felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders. The things you went through, with dad, but especially in recent years with Pappy, showed just what a steely resolve and strong core you have. That which does not kill you, makes you stronger, indeed!
Thank you for showing me that even when we lose the love of our life and feel like we are drowning in grief, life still goes on. That happiness exists, even when we are immersed in sadness. That laughter can, and often does, come through our tears. That love knows no boundaries of heaven and earth, and feathers are the best gift we can receive - or give!
Thank you for demonstrating that we each have our path and journey in life and even though it's hard as hell at times, you keep at it. I'm amazed at how well you've done since Pappy has been gone. You have tried to be positive while embracing the loss, pain, and anger. You're not afraid to cry, but also not afraid to laugh. Let's face it - Papster would want the latter.
Thank you for teaching me patience as well as the fact it's okay NOT to be Mother Theresa at times. The fact is neither you nor I, nor my own daughters will ever be up for sainthood. And that's okay because sometimes you just "lose" it. That's when you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, (APOLOGIZE!) and start all over again!
Thank you for teaching me generosity. Your love of giving to others, even when you may not have had a lot to give yourself, was a valuable lesson I received early on and often. Today it comes naturally to me and it feels so good to help others, just asking them to "pay it forward" to someone else in return.
Thank you for teaching me how to cook at an early age. I still remember my "Kim's First Cookbook" and all of the great recipes and concoctions I got to make on my own, especially on days you were working late and I got to make dinner for us! And you loved everything - LOL - probably even when you didn't because I made it! Looking at so many kids today who don't even know how to boil an egg I'm like "Wow".
Thank you for giving me a curfew, chores to do, and punishments when needed, things that I downright LOATHED at the time. I wouldn't be the woman I am today without the structure you had for me growing up. It taught discipline and responsibility.
Most of all thank you for teaching me to love with my whole heart. There is no greater gift than that.
My husband and kids are so happy to have me and all that I do for them but the truth is, I owe it all to you. You taught me. You shaped me. Heck you tolerated me (often) and yet loved me unconditionally. No matter what ridiculous thing I did.
Thank you, mom, for being the wind beneath my wings. Having two adult daughters of my own I hope and pray I have passed your legacy on.
WOW. It's incredibly hard to believe that my baby girl's senior high school musical's opening night is tonight. Unless you've been living under a rock for the past eleven months you know it's "Legally Blonde," and you know Christie has the leading role of Elle Woods. You know how proud we are, you know how hard she's worked, you may have even heard the story (some of you more than once -Sorry!) of how she's dreamed of playing this role since she saw it on broadway for her thirteenth birthday and how upon coming home from that trip she immediately purchased the cast recording and made her sister play it repeatedly. How Christie wished again and again that Wilson would do it one day and OMG! What if they did her senior year? Yada, yada, yada.
What you don't know is what an incredibly bittersweet feeling it is to have it all finally here. To think that 72 hours from now it will all be a memory. The adorable Amanda Guistwite who played Elle last summer in Genesius Theater's run of the production gave Christie the best advice. To stop, even in the midst of everything, and try to take it all in because before you know it, it's over.
As a member of the Wilson Theater Boosters and raffle chairperson for Supper Serenade this year I had a lot of work to do from the get go. As Elle's mom I got more involved in helping with a production than I ever have. From promoting the show and ticket sales, to wardrobe - including searching high and low for the perfect pair of boots, dress, or pink leather jacket, it's been a wild and often exhausting ride.
Add to that the job of keeping Christie healthy, not as easy as it sounds. In a role as demanding as this where she's literally off stage only for quick costume changes and she's singing and dancing eighty percent of the time, it's been of paramount importance to keep going. Vitamin regimens, throat teas and sprays, humidifiers, lots of water, and as much rest as possible.
It all has been very time consuming but to be able to make this experience the best for Christie I wouldn't have had it any other way. I am expecting a huge let down after the final curtain falls Saturday night. Okay in reality I'm going to be exhausted so more realistically it will hit Sunday. As my good friend (and Christie's co-star Ryan's mom) Melinda puts it, "We've been running on this stress high and then all of the sudden it's going to be over."It will definitely be a case of gone but not forgotten. DVD viewing party?! :)
To my husband, who has patiently put up with me being so wrapped up with Christie and Jordan (Yes if you didn't already know my boy is in vocal ensemble and has a tiny appearance in the show too) I say this: I love you so much for your understanding and your support. For even though you are a "sports" guy you've come to support the theater company and help out when you are needed, especially at Supper Serenade. For the nights dinner didn't get made and for the nights I fell into bed and couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to watch more than the opening credits of our favorite tv shows. For enduring months of relentless LB chatter and not grumbling too much about it. And of course for the financial obligations that have come along with this all. But mostly for how proud you are of Christie and all she's accomplished. (We did pretty good, huh?)
To my oldest daughter, my Kyrie. Even though you're an adult I know it's been tough to have everything be about Christie. LOL It's like revenge of the middle child! And even when she has frustrated to the point where no jury in the world would find you guilty, you still have been there for her. And see dad's section above on the LB chatter because I know you are way over it too! Thank you for loving Christie, no matter what, and supporting her. You too couldn't be more different, and yet you're like peanut butter and jelly. Or milk and cookies. One's not truly complete without the other being there for them.
To Jordan. I know how much you love the show and WTC. Your dream role may be Emmett and who knows, one day you may just play him! This time around it's Christie's spotlight but you'll have many more opportunities and I can't wait to be there to love and support you. You're going to be the third Fisher to do great things on the Wilson Stage ... I just know it!
And finally to Christie:
Watching you at dress rehearsal tonight I was beyond proud. You have taken a dream and made it a reality. When a person is lucky enough to have this opportunity and own it like you do ... that's something special. You've worked SO hard on this and you've held your head high and rose above any negativity that comes when you are the one cast as the lead. You've been true to yourself.
All that matters now is that for the next 72 hours you ARE Elle! Go out there, have fun, and make yourself a ton of memories. And THANK YOU. Watching you in this performance has filled my heart with joy and pride for the amazing young woman you are. I could not ask for more.
It's been a super long time since I've blogged. Again. I honestly have the best intentions to flex my creative muscle and let my feelings flow on a regular basis but life gets in the way. You know the drill. Kids, work, volunteering, housework, laundry, cooking, etc... Rather than dwell on the amount of time that's passed I'm going to get down to business. Ready? Here we go.
My son, Jordan, is absolutely bursting with happiness today over his new friend, James. That is my motivating factor in taking to Blogger this afternoon, but I'll get back to that in a bit.
Having Asperger's Sydrome accompanied by sensory processing disorder and occasional ticking, Jordan has overcome his share of challenges. From dealing with bullies in grade and middle school, having to take daily medication, to adjusting to life and classes as a high school freshman, he's seen it all. I thank God every day that my son is happy and physically healthy, yet at times I feel incredibly frustrated with his struggles, not to mention ashamed when I lose my patience and yell. This happens particularly when I've bent over backwards to accommodate his needs (think clean the washing machine out with a cycle or vinegar and baking soda to remove odors and then wash his clothing in unscented detergent only to be told he can still smell it, can't stand the feel, or now something is too "small") just to learn that what worked yesterday does absolutely nothing today. I yell. He yells. I yell some more. Rinse and repeat.
So when something happens that makes him feel WONDERFUL about himself I am simply elated. That's where today finds me.
In September of 2011 you may remember we took Jordan to the "American Idols Live" tour to get up close and personal with his favorite, James Durbin. James also has Asperger's and Tourettes Syndrome, not to mention one of the most amazing voices I have ever heard. This was a guy my son could relate to. 110%! When he tossed his bandana into the crowd Jordan was the lucky recipient. My daughters and I stood there and wept openly. Such a tiny act meant the world to Jordan. I'm sure there were several folks around us who were quite confused with our open display of sappy emotion during a song like Muse's "Uprising," but they couldn't feel Jordan's heart like we did and frankly we didn't care. (For the record "Uprising" was one of my favorite Idol covers done by James, along with "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" and "You've go Another Thing Comin'")
After the show we waited in the pouring rain in hopes of Jordan meeting James, only to be told that the AI contestants wouldn't be signing that night. Those of you who know me know my main mantras in life are "It is what it is," and "Everything happens for a reason." I have instilled these solidly in my children. So while he couldn't talk to James, Jordan floated off into the night with his new bandana on his wrist. He slept with it for weeks after...
Fast forward a little over two years. The bandana is still a prized possession and James Durbin's music is still a regular staple on our playlist, particularly his newly released, and already beloved, "Parachute." If you haven't already give it a listen! Better yet call your local radio station and request it! Even better yet - get the new CD out April 8th!
It was a few days before Christmas and my shopping had long been complete when I got a notification that James would be appearing at a venue just 45 minutes from us! There was no question ... this was a gift from Santa himself. Jordan had been waiting for years to see James and in just a month he could. Without a second thought I pulled out my credit card and bought the tickets, including the meet and greet option.
The show was wonderful and Jordan was so absorbed in the music he didn't have any issues with crowd or noise. Afterward as he waited he kept saying he was nervous. Jame's tour manager, Noah, had been talking to us and told Jordan that James was more excited to meet him than he was to meet James. That made my son more comfortable but he was still nervous.
Jordan approached the table, shaking slightly, and handed him the bandana. James smiled, gave him a thumbs up. After a few minutes of general conversation the ice was broken, reservations were gone, and conversation flowed. About life and, as Jordan puts it, "stuff." I wish you could have seen it.
It's what I loved the most. After an incredibly short time James was no longer a larger than life rock star. He was just another guy who faces the same struggles that Jordan does but who has the wisdom from being a little bit older and, for lack of a better word, was COOL. They got each other. When you have a condition such as theirs the only people who truly understand are those in the same boat. You have to live it. James went so far as to even escort Jordan to the front of the club (Under 21's had to go up the stairs through the second floor and down the stairs as to avoid the bar area) because by that point everyone was pretty much gone.
When I was talking to him I thanked James and mentioned if there's one thing I was sure of it's that his purpose here is not only about the music but more importantly about empowering others like him, and educating those who aren't. I'm a BIG believer in the "paying it forward" philosophy. Jordan is taking the inspiration James has given him and wants to in turn help other kids as he gets older. He's off to a good start. By the end of last year in middle school he had all the younger guys in the autistic support room looking up to him. He was like their leader and he'd joke with them, stand up for them, and help them with what they needed. Melissa Hoebee, the autistic support teacher, tells me they still talk and about and miss Jordan and she's asked if he can come back to visit one day. Pretty neat stuff.
Jordan is striving to be like James. Maybe not as a musician (although Jordan has a great voice) but to help others like him realize the sky is the limit for their potential ... autism be damned! I couldn't be more proud of the young man he's becoming. He has a fascination for tornados (loves Reed Timmer, extreme storm chaser) and has aspirations of being a storm chaser one day, or at the very least getting to hunt down one storm in his life. He may settle for being an architect (he's good with design) or perhaps even a motivational speaker, or counselor.
So much of his confidence has come from James who has made Jordan realize it's all there right inside of him. In his heart. In his mind. In his soul. I think last night is the beginning of a beautiful friendship for Jordan and James. As we were driving home Jordan kept saying "I have never been so happy in my life. Like EVER."
That my friends didn't just come from meeting an idol, it came from making a connection with a mentor and kindred spirit. For that we'll always be grateful.
It's been a long week. I'm exhausted and 7:30 AM is going to come awfully fast (WHY oh WHY Muhlenberg do you not have graduation at, like noon?) but before I rest tonight, on the eve of your college graduation, there's a few things I have to say.
The tears will flow tomorrow, I knew that much, but I certainly didn't expect them to start tonight. Driving down the side street on route to Baccalaurate I suddenly had a flashback to move-in day of your freshman year. How TIRED we were at the ungodly hour of the morning (Muhl certainly likes to do things early, don't they?!) but as we snaked our way through the line of traffic on our way to Brown the staff and volunteers came up to the van, offering orange juice and refreshments and we got a small, but much needed, burst of energy.
The unloading itself was easy thanks to the volunteers who carried your belongings up. I was so proud and happy for your new experience yet I dreaded that way the clock kept ticking and before I knew it it would be time to say goodbye.
After we got things in order we headed down to the parent/student lunch. The food at Muhlenberg has been exceptional in terms of college cuisine, but I couldn't tell you very much about what I had that day. I sat with you and dad, trying to hold my emotions in, knowing that just after lunch we'd be saying "So long ..." and for the first time ever you'd be living away from home. Haha .. I remember pushing my food around to look like I was eating, and trying really hard to keep my stinging eyes from betraying me, letting you know how upset I was.
After an Oscar worthy job of seeing you (or should I say us) off Dad and I headed down 222 for the hour drive home. I don't recall exactly when the dam broke. I believe it was some time before we passed by Kutztown, when all of the sudden I began to sob. Dad, being dad, was like "What's wrong?!" I sniffled and composed myself and said "I just feel SOOO bad leaving her there. She can't have her car since it's freshman year and it's like we're ABANDONING her ... sniff sniff, nose blow." He laughed and made a comment along the lines that we weren't sending you to Siberia. I pouted because right then and there it might as well have been.
That first year passed quickly and it wasn't as bad as I originally thought, especially with you coming home every weekend. And sophomore, junior, and now senior year we WAY more easy to let you head off every fall to your home away from home.
Tomorrow emotions will well up inside of me once again, and not only because of how incredibly proud we all are of your accomlishment. Graduating with a B+ average when your a double major is like, WOW. And knowing our daughter has TWO degrees in English and Film Studies is the cherry on the most delectable of sundaes.
There will be a few tears shed because of those who are no longer with us, even though they show us in their own way. You know I especially mean your angel, Pappy. Wow. If he were here I can just imagine the sparkle in his eye when they announce your name. :)
Other bittersweet feelings will come into play because the end of your days at Muhlenberg have arrived and it's time to close that chapter in your book. We all have some awesome memories of your time there, from that first reception and signing day at President Helm's house, all the football games and shows, just walking around the beautiful campus, hearing that majestic clock tower chime, Premise Maid stops - LOL, and let's not forget the food, especially at the Red Door. Even dad is upset about that one. LOL
I know you're planning on being at home awhile but I anticipate going back to square one when you move onto your next "home." I'm not sure what will take you away but whether it's a job working as a PA on a movie set, intern at a TV studio, or whatever, I'll be feeling slightly melancholy again. That is, after all, a mother's perrogative ...
:)
As most of you know my husband has extensive back issues. Living with chronic pain Chris has tried multiple things through the years, going down the checklist of remedies rapidly. Some things work for a while but he always reverts back to being in agony.
So was the situation when we headed to our first yoga class last week. Through the years my cousin would occasionally mention that Chris should try it. I would dismiss said suggestion as quickly as she'd bring it up. He likes beer. And football. And guy stuff. He'd never go. Ever. Well it's funny, what being in an enormous amount of pain will make you do.
Our instructor had come highly recommended and having spoken with her on the phone I knew Chris was in good hands. Because we both work out regularly we decided to give the "All Levels" class a try. Prepped with our mats, towels and water bottles we entered an almost 90 degree room - that felt every bit of it. For the next 75 minutes we were going to become human Gumbys (remember him?) and the heat's purpose was to facilitate that. I found this online during my initial research:
Hot Vinyasa Yoga is performed in a heated room (85-90 degrees) because of the benefits it offers the body. Heat allows for muscles to ease through their full range of motion but is not an excuse to push muscles beyond their limits. Heat improves circulation and metabolism and strengthens the cardiovascular system. Sweating aids in detoxifying the body and rejuvenates the skin.
Sweating indeed! After the first fifteen minutes of upward and downward dogging I was like "Good Lord, we have another HOUR left?!" (My husband concurs. It was the hardest workout either of us have ever done). I'm lucky because my body was already quite flexible going into the experience, which made most of the postures relatively easy to maneuver and hold. I have to say that keeping a grip on yourself when you're LITERALLY wringing wet with perspiration was like trying to wrangle a wet, soapy infant in a bathtub. Not easy.
While far from pretzel-like, I'm proud to say Chris did really well for his first time. Especially since he was trying to keep up with the girl in front of us who'd obviously been practicing since she was five. The instructor hadn't been exaggerating when she told us it would be intense and she'd keep us moving. We got through it though!
I liken my initial group yoga experience to the first time I was on a cruise, for my honeymoon. We weren't on a very large ship and hit rough seas with 25-30 foot swells. Folks left and right were a frightful shade of seasick green, but having taken medicine faithfully, we felt fine. That being said I still didn't like it. The movement was constant and not something I was accustomed to (but doing the Electric Slide in the Disco on the 14th floor of a swaying ship was a funny experience). At one point I declared I'd never go on a cruise again! That was about 15 cruises ago.
My venture into yoga had me sweaty and challenged, not to mention a bit nauseated, from unfamiliar movements in hellish heat, but overall it was a good experience. Even in class number one I challenged myself. Yoga, beyond physical, is also a mental conditioning. I wasn't sure it was possible but the teacher had me upside down in a "wheel" position because she knew I could do it (told you I was flexible LOL).
The backside of the class took things slower with an awesome cool down. Deep breathing combined with postures that stretch you in a relaxing way, accompanied by the gentle pressure of the instructor's hands on your muscles to release stress and tension, felt wonderful. I was wiped out when we left but just a day later found myself entertaining the thought of a return trip.
Something that's good for my body and soul. This yoga thing might be addictive ...
As I sit here writing it is the eve of another Wilson High School football season. Three a days in the brutal heat of August are over, game plans have been committed to memory, helmets are polished, and the red & white uniforms (clean for now) are ready to be donned.
With their heartbreaking title loss at Hershey last December (to Central Dauphin who one game later would be crowned state champs) in the rear view mirror, expectations are high for what this new year may bring. Players and coaches, their family and friends, are all hoping for another successful season.
My husband is perhaps the biggest Bulldog fan EVER. Seriously. He never misses a game, whether it's being played in hurricane like conditions or frigid cold temperatures, and is a regular fixture in the bleachers at camp and practices.
Chris has said repeatedly through the years that he would rather see these kids win a state championship than to have the Eagles, Phillies, and 76ers all win their respective world titles.When people take notice of Chris at games, both home and far away, he is often asked "Which one is your son?" His reply? "All of them."
He is an alumnus of Wilson and even played himself for awhile ,"Back in the day," but it was a promise made to a dying friend in 2000, that rekindled his passion for their program.
The tale was a tragic one that took a young man's life too soon, and left his widow with six children to raise on her own. Chris vowed he would be there to provide moral support, however he could. Once a month he would take all six out to dinner and he'd call to check in on them, but the biggest part was attending the kids athletic events so they'd always have someone there watching them.
Along the way he got to know a few other kids on the team and their stories as well. This past June the youngest son graduated and while Chris could have been relieved of his "duties" he has decided to stick around. Other players, in turns out, were in need of mentoring and when someone seeks him out (as they have) my husband is not the kind of person to turn them away.
Whether it's listening to concerns, patting someone on the back who's done a great job, giving advice above and beyond football, or passing out his famous homemade beef jerky after games, Chris supports the entire team.
There are a lot of "haters" when it comes to Wilson. They repeatedly win district titles and it's easy to dislike the ones on top. But what many people in our area don't realize is that this winning team has had it's share of underdogs on it.
Kids who weren't born with silver spoons in their mouths or solid families to be there to support them. Kids who even with the odds stacked against them, found the drive and determination to overcome adversity, both on and of the field. Kids who through the discipline of football have found themselves.
It's amazing to watch the Bulldogs' journey. Whether it's the sweetness of victory, or bitter taste of defeat, their character shines through. They are all stand up young men who play together as one team and one family. I'm proud of my husband and his small contribution to Wilson football and happy to be along for the ride.
The days of summer are dwindling down as this morning marked the start of yet another school year. Unlike previous years, where we drift through on auto pilot, this one will be imprinted with several "firsts" and "lasts" that will make us pause and marvel at just how far our kids have come.
Whether it's Christie getting her driver's license and being able to drive herself (and her brother) to school, Jordan starting his last year in middle school, or Kyrie moving out of a dorm and into her first apartment on campus, change is a recurring theme.
Perhaps the thing that outshines the others is that with the commencement of class at 12:30 this afternoon - Kyrie's senior year at college officially began. My how the time has flown.
Memories of Kyrie's first days at school are all tucked safely away in my mind. I wish I had a time machine to travel back and revisit that happy little brown haired girl who was so nervous for first grade, but beyond excited for the "back to school chocolate chip cookies and milk" I promised her when she got home. (That tradition continues with Christie and Jordan to this day!)
Moving forward through the years I reminisce about the hours upon hours devoted to activities. Brownies, gymnastics, ice skating, cheerleading (while I coached) for Rising Sun, and eventually cheering in junior high at Northeast and then Wilson Southern. Chorus and theater which in high school led to a major involvement with Wilson Theater Company. And of course the only thing that would rival her love of theater ... a profound passion for football. Nothing made Kyrie happier than getting to be a manager of the Wilson varsity football team. Spending Friday night under the lights, taking care of "her boys," was probably the highlight Kyrie's time in high school.
All too quickly senior year came and went. Before we knew it it was prom and graduation, complete with a red and white (a nod to Wilson colors) themed graduation party. The hoopla climaxed two weeks later as she and I traveled with Wilson Theater Company to London and Paris. I knew she was going away so I tried to make the most of our time left together.
Kyrie was accepted to one of the top private liberal arts schools in the country, Muhlenberg College, just shy of an hour drive north of us in Allentown. Move in day for freshman year though she might as well been in Siberia. I tried to keep the tears at bay as Chris and I shuffled things into her dorm but by the time we attended the parents/students lunch, I was losing the battle. In a half hour we'd have to leave. Tears stung my eyes as I picked at the sandwich in front of me. How was I supposed to eat when my appetite was nowhere to be found?
Our good-bye went well, but on the ride home, as we moved further along the highway, giant tear drops rolled down my cheeks. Silly as it seems now my biggest issue was that freshman students couldn't have a vehicle on campus and it felt like we were abandoning her there. My husband thought it was funny. Hahaha.
Sophomore year move in was a piece of cake and these last two years I wasn't even there! Trading in her Bull Dogs for the Muhls, Kyrie found herself football managing again, so she moved in before training camp, while I was still in DE with Christie.
This year my daughter is INCREDIBLY excited about the apartment she's sharing with her good friend, Bailey. So much so she called me last night to let me know they had their first party, complete with Brie and wine - not some frat house blow out - and everyone had a great time and said how good everything was. Seeing as my cousin Marcy and I are known as the ultimate party planners that doesn't surprise me.
Kyrie will graduate a double major, with degrees in Film and English. Her hard work continues to pay off and even with the blow of Pappy's death she still made the Dean's List last semester.
There will never be this kind of start and finish again for our Kiki. Even if she winds up going for her Masters this is still the end of an era. Her dad and I couldn't possibly be more proud of what she has accomplished, not to mention all the lives that she has touched along the way.
Kyrie may you have a Happy, Healthy, and Most AMAZING Senior year! :)
